Right now, I’m trying to get back to a sense of me. I’m breaking out of who I was and becoming someone new. I can see it, I can feel it. This version of myself who feels more grounded, more intentional, and more aware. It’s weird because healing doesn’t always look peaceful. It’s far from that in moments. Sometimes it’s realizing how much clutter I’ve carried in my head. 🌀
My thoughts are finally starting to calm down, I finally felt peace again recently but there are still days where I can barely keep up. My messages pile up, I go quiet in my mom group, and some days I don’t even open social media. There was a point where I was missing every event and everyone’s birthdays. I wasn’t really able to keep track of time.
The funny thing is, being off social media can be so healing yet I crave that connection at the same time. I love seeing what everyone’s up to, sharing moments of my son, and feeling that small bit of community that online spaces can give. It also gives me a way to support my people who show up for me. 💌
I take so many pictures and videos, honestly, my camera roll is like my diary but I rarely post them. I want to start letting myself share again, to comment, to scroll without guilt. To enjoy that space without feeling like I’m neglecting my son, my boyfriend, or something else.
And honestly, this has shown up a lot in my relationship with Chris.
When I was deep in survival mode, I think I stopped letting myself be seen not just by the world, but by him too. I’d be physically there but emotionally and mentally somewhere else, juggling a hundred invisible things in my mind. Now, as I’ve started to slow down and reconnect with myself, I’m learning how to be more present with him again…to talk, to laugh, to actually let him in. ❤️🔥
It hasn’t been perfect at all, but it’s been real. There’s something healing about seeing each other through the chaos about both trying to grow and love better, even when we’re figuring it out in real time.
I’m realizing that rediscovering myself doesn’t mean cutting off connection. It means finding balance between solitude and sharing. I can heal and still want to be seen. I can love motherhood and still want my own space to breathe. And I can love Chris deeply while still learning who I am outside of “the new us.” ✨
